In my previous post, I shared the obstacles my 20 month old son has endured in his little life. Now, I want to talk about how it has impacted me. If you have't read about the obstacles, please do so first.
How it felt along the journey:
I think for a while, I felt lost. I felt like a failure, like maybe if I had done something different, something earlier, my son wouldn't have had so many struggles. Maybe he wouldn't have had so many physical delays if I had been more persistent with the pediatrician earlier. Or if I had given him more tummy time earlier on despite the cries.
Maybe he wouldn't have speech delays if we had him fitted for his hearing aids much sooner. The list went on.
These thoughts would often get compounded when I was with other moms whose kids were similar in age to my son and able to do things my son couldn't. In fact, a baby at church, just three weeks younger than my son, was walking before my son was crawling. My nephew, four months younger than my son, was running and jumping while my son was still crawling. It was hard not to compare and to blame myself.
I also felt like I was fully responsible for him. Like I had to devote more attention to him. Do his PT exercises. And if I was writing, then I wasn't spending the time with him he needed. So, I shelved my writing for a long time. Once the doctors visits slowed I picked up my manuscript again, but it was a half-hearted thing. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my writing or with this blog so I found it easier to do little with both and hope something happens. Unfortunately, nothing happens with that mindset.
My faith experienced a lot of highs and lows. I never was mad at God for any of this happening to my son. But I really struggled with the comparison trap. I had to learn to stop comparing him to other babies and just love him for who he is. To just enjoy every milestone and stop worrying. And that took lots of prayers. Hubster and I prayed often for our son, for his development. And we would praise God when he took a step in the right direction. Lately, we've had a lot more praises then petitions. And all along, God has proven Himself faithful.
So, what's the point?
Good question. I've struggled with what to do with this blog. Should it be only about my writing? But I haven't been doing much of it. I definitely don't want it to be completely about personal stuff, but I really felt like I should share what's really going on in my life and in my heart. That's what makes me the person, the writer that I am.
I started blogging because I wanted to build community. I've met so many amazing blogging buddies and learned so much. But I believe that part of building a community is being honest and sharing each other's burdens. So here's mine. Feel free to lay yours on me. :)
Thanks for sharing in the journey with me.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Let's Get Personal...
*Disclaimer: This post is long and filled with me sharing honest life struggles. Read at your own risk.*
I feel like I'm coming back. Coming back to my passion and gifting of writing. Coming back to being the mom, the wife, the person I need to be. I don't know exactly where I went, but I know it had a lot to do with my role as mommy and the journey we've been on. I feel compelled to share a journey I've been on with my son and hubster and God. I kept it from my blog because I felt it was too personal. But I really feel I need to share it. Share what we've been going through and why it's impacted my writing and my faith and who I am. And I hope that if there's anyone struggling with similar things with their kiddos, that they stumble across this post and find it helpful.
You see, my son (almost 20 months) has had a lot of obstacles in his short life. Obstacles that have been time consuming, worrisome, and yet have molded me into a stronger mom, stronger woman, stronger Christian, and hopefully, a stronger writer.
Obstacle One:
When my son was born, a standard hearing test revealed a hearing loss in one ear. We were told to bring him back in a month to see if perhaps it was temporary, just fluid in his ears, etc. It wasn't. Another referral to another doctor only confirmed he had a hearing loss. They couldn't do anything until they determined how severe the loss was. So we were referred to another specialist. More confirmation he had a hearing loss in one ear but no further indication of it's severity.
Finally they recommended a sedated hearing test (ABR). Before he was to be sedated (completely asleep) he needed a trip to the pediatrician two days before the sedation to clean his ears of wax and determine he was fit for sedation. We scheduled his sedated test, I took him to his pediatrician and we were told due to fluid in his ear we had to reschedule the test. A month later, we repeated the process. No fluid, all was a go for the sedation. But the morning of the sedation he had a cold and a fever and was therefore not able to be sedated. Another month later, the same exact thing-another cold.
After three times, we felt like maybe this wasn't meant to be. Back to the hearing specialist we went. They did the test again, said there was nothing they could do, we had to do the sedated hearing test to get more information.
Fourth time was the charm. He was an absolute champ with the IV, sedation, everything. And finally, we were given the news. He definitely had a hearing loss. And it was severe.
That basically meant for the first year of his life he wasn't hearing much in that ear. Luckily his other ear is working perfectly, but it was so frustrating to think he could have had a hearing aid so much sooner if we hadn't of had such a run-around with all these hearing tests, trips to audiologists and ENTs. It wasn't until he was 15 months that the hearing aid was fitted and in.
I wasn't upset when I found out he was hearing impaired. In fact, I don't even view him as such. He's my lil monkey, my joy, one of the best things in my very blessed life.
By 9 months, he still wasn't rolling over back to tummy, nor was he making any attempts to move out of his sitting position. His sit wasn't straight either, but like he was slightly hunched over as you can see in this photo. I had asked the pediatrician about his physical development and my concerns multiple times, but they continually told me babies develop at different rates and that he'd catch up. So at 9 months I put my foot down. Told the pediatrician something was wrong. Demanded they do something. And they referred him to physical therapy and Early Intervention services.
Both have been life-savers. Apparently, my son had a locked pelvis. That meant that since babies these days spend so much time on their backs and sitting up, his pelvis was locked in those two positions. His pelvis was probably already tight when he was born and worsened because he refused to be on his stomach. When we laid him on his stomach his cries weren't because he hated Tummy Time. It was because he was in pain.
The physical therapist (PT) told us if we hadn't come in before he was about a year, the locked pelvis could have become a permanent thing. He probably could have been in a wheelchair for life.
Weekly I took him in for physical therapy. Our amazing PT did exercises and stretches on him that did not make him happy (in fact, he screamed for the majority of his first month or two of therapy) but immediately we could see results. Instead of him always sitting in a curved posture, he could sit up straight.
Also, weekly, we went to the chiropractor, where she did manipulations on his back, hips, pelvis, and legs.
Within a month of PT and chiropractic care he was finally rolling over! And just before his first birthday, he was finally on the move! My boy was a crawler and life was good. :)
At this point we no longer needed chiropractic care, and went down to physical therapy every other week. It was such a relief to have less appointments, both emotionally and financially.
He became such an expert crawler he didn't want to walk. At 17 months he took his first tentative steps and I cried when both hubster and I witnessed it. But immediately he returned to crawling, not attempting to walk again until he was 18 1/2 months. Finally, at the beginning of his 19th month, he was walking exclusively!
Sometimes I get teary watching him walking around, a grin on his face as he discovers something new. He's come a long way and I am so proud of him.
Below is a clip of him, after he'd only been walking ONE week. I was so proud, but he was more impressed by the camera then strutting his stuff.
This concludes Part I of Let's Get Personal. In an effort to keep this post from being ridiculously long, Part II will be continued Wednesday. Come back then! In the meantime, please let me know that you joined me along our journey. :)
You see, my son (almost 20 months) has had a lot of obstacles in his short life. Obstacles that have been time consuming, worrisome, and yet have molded me into a stronger mom, stronger woman, stronger Christian, and hopefully, a stronger writer.
Obstacle One:
When my son was born, a standard hearing test revealed a hearing loss in one ear. We were told to bring him back in a month to see if perhaps it was temporary, just fluid in his ears, etc. It wasn't. Another referral to another doctor only confirmed he had a hearing loss. They couldn't do anything until they determined how severe the loss was. So we were referred to another specialist. More confirmation he had a hearing loss in one ear but no further indication of it's severity.
Finally they recommended a sedated hearing test (ABR). Before he was to be sedated (completely asleep) he needed a trip to the pediatrician two days before the sedation to clean his ears of wax and determine he was fit for sedation. We scheduled his sedated test, I took him to his pediatrician and we were told due to fluid in his ear we had to reschedule the test. A month later, we repeated the process. No fluid, all was a go for the sedation. But the morning of the sedation he had a cold and a fever and was therefore not able to be sedated. Another month later, the same exact thing-another cold.
After three times, we felt like maybe this wasn't meant to be. Back to the hearing specialist we went. They did the test again, said there was nothing they could do, we had to do the sedated hearing test to get more information.
Fourth time was the charm. He was an absolute champ with the IV, sedation, everything. And finally, we were given the news. He definitely had a hearing loss. And it was severe.
That basically meant for the first year of his life he wasn't hearing much in that ear. Luckily his other ear is working perfectly, but it was so frustrating to think he could have had a hearing aid so much sooner if we hadn't of had such a run-around with all these hearing tests, trips to audiologists and ENTs. It wasn't until he was 15 months that the hearing aid was fitted and in.
I wasn't upset when I found out he was hearing impaired. In fact, I don't even view him as such. He's my lil monkey, my joy, one of the best things in my very blessed life.
Watching his favorite cartoon (with the remote, what a guy!) with his hearing aid in.
Obstacle Two:
My son still isn't talking. He babbles but he doesn't say any words. This could be due to the hearing loss, as he didn't babble much until after the hearing aid was in. Or it could just be a normal speech delay amplified by the hearing loss. Either way we do speech therapy bi-monthly through our Early Intervention services. If your child or a child you knows has any kind of delay, call your state's Early Intervention services. It's a free evaluation, in which they can help you give your child the services they need (speech, physical or occupational therapy, etc). And you don't need a referral, so if you're concerned, just go.Obstacle Three:
When my son was little he would cry when we put him on his tummy. Not just whine, but scream. He hated being on his stomach. He learned to roll from tummy to back quickly, but never rolled back to tummy. He learned to sit on his own rather quickly, by 4 months.
By 9 months, he still wasn't rolling over back to tummy, nor was he making any attempts to move out of his sitting position. His sit wasn't straight either, but like he was slightly hunched over as you can see in this photo. I had asked the pediatrician about his physical development and my concerns multiple times, but they continually told me babies develop at different rates and that he'd catch up. So at 9 months I put my foot down. Told the pediatrician something was wrong. Demanded they do something. And they referred him to physical therapy and Early Intervention services.Both have been life-savers. Apparently, my son had a locked pelvis. That meant that since babies these days spend so much time on their backs and sitting up, his pelvis was locked in those two positions. His pelvis was probably already tight when he was born and worsened because he refused to be on his stomach. When we laid him on his stomach his cries weren't because he hated Tummy Time. It was because he was in pain.
The physical therapist (PT) told us if we hadn't come in before he was about a year, the locked pelvis could have become a permanent thing. He probably could have been in a wheelchair for life.
Weekly I took him in for physical therapy. Our amazing PT did exercises and stretches on him that did not make him happy (in fact, he screamed for the majority of his first month or two of therapy) but immediately we could see results. Instead of him always sitting in a curved posture, he could sit up straight.
Also, weekly, we went to the chiropractor, where she did manipulations on his back, hips, pelvis, and legs.
Within a month of PT and chiropractic care he was finally rolling over! And just before his first birthday, he was finally on the move! My boy was a crawler and life was good. :)
At this point we no longer needed chiropractic care, and went down to physical therapy every other week. It was such a relief to have less appointments, both emotionally and financially.
He became such an expert crawler he didn't want to walk. At 17 months he took his first tentative steps and I cried when both hubster and I witnessed it. But immediately he returned to crawling, not attempting to walk again until he was 18 1/2 months. Finally, at the beginning of his 19th month, he was walking exclusively!
Sometimes I get teary watching him walking around, a grin on his face as he discovers something new. He's come a long way and I am so proud of him.
Below is a clip of him, after he'd only been walking ONE week. I was so proud, but he was more impressed by the camera then strutting his stuff.
This concludes Part I of Let's Get Personal. In an effort to keep this post from being ridiculously long, Part II will be continued Wednesday. Come back then! In the meantime, please let me know that you joined me along our journey. :)
Monday, January 23, 2012
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