Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)
And so, without further ado, here is my entry, at 182 words.
The Light
The door swung open and Tess darted out the bathroom past the two giggling girls. Can’t be late, can’t be late, she chanted to herself. She had been late the first day of school and the teacherly look Mrs. Dallas had given her made her want to squeeze into the nearest locker and hide there forever. She glanced at the clock hanging in the hallway, clutching her color coded tabbed binder and her Calculus book tightly to her chest. If Mrs. Dallas closed that door, she was doomed.
Suddenly a dazzling light exploded silently before her, a brilliant white sheet that encircled her and just as quickly disappeared. It stung her eyes before thrusting her into darkness.
Tess' heart pounded and she struggled for comprehension. Her legs trembled with a tingling weakness and she feared they would collapse under her. White fuzzy dots swam before her. Adrenaline coursed painfully through her body.
Finally, like a camera lens struggling to focus, the images of the hallway slid clearly into view. But before Tess could even feel the relief of regaining her sight, down the hall the door swung shut.
You made wonderful use of word choice. The imagery is great. And I felt sort of bad for the poor girl. She was really trying to be on time.
ReplyDeleteThanks Angela! Haha, yes, that darn light messed everything up! ;)
ReplyDeletePoor kid! I feel sorry for her as well. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteAhhh, like one of those dreams I used to have as a teenager. You know the ones where you can't get where you are trying to go? Something keeps happening - like your locker won't open - you miss the bus - you keep having to go back because you forgot something.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I felt for her, too. Nicely done! ~ Nadja
what wasthe light!? i want to know more!great to say hi to another campaigner...i am number 62 in the listx
ReplyDeleteMy goodness this is good!! Wow!! Poor Tess!! I hope the light is a good thing for her - I'd love to read more!! Yay!! Take care
ReplyDeletex
Great job plus Tessa is the name of my daughter so you had me from the start! I'm #72
ReplyDeleteAw, poor Tess. The voice and attention to detail brought me back being late for my own classes. ;)
ReplyDeleteHi jenn! I'm finally stopping by on the campaign trail!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed trading your challenge entry! I felt so bad for the poor girl, I haven't attended public school a day in my life, but I could still feel the fear she felt of being late to class. Good job!
I want to know what the light thing was too
ReplyDeletewhat happened! sounds like the beginning of a good ya urban fantasy!
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
ReplyDeleteLeft me wanting to know exactly what that light was and what happened to her. Great story!
ReplyDeleteYes, what was that light? I'm waiting for chapter 2.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! Very intriguing. :)
ReplyDeleteVery interesting, I want to know more. ; )
ReplyDeleteI love the twist in the middle there. And now I want to know what's going to happen and why there was a bright light. Great job! I love a story that creates productive questions in my mind :)
ReplyDeleteJenn,
ReplyDeleteGood images. I really enjoyed this and want to read more.
BTW, There were times I wanted to hide in my locker forever. Oh, the stress of getting to class on time!
I just entered my 200 words. Come visit me!
The Write Soil
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteGood flash (literally) fiction!; ) You used your alloted words well.
Well done, Jenn! As I read the ending "Oh, No!" escaped my lips! :)
ReplyDeletePam
Well done. I felt bad for Tess when the door closed too!
ReplyDeleteI think this is amazing! I definitely felt the tension Tess was experiencing. I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a blog award over on my blog. :)
ReplyDeleteI almost started my story with the swinging door of a girl's restroom at school before I decided to go darker. I love the detail of this phrase, "clutching her color coded tabbed binder and her Calculus book tightly to her chest." It tells us so much about Tess: that she's smart and that she's organized and a tad anxious.
ReplyDeletevery fun- poor girl
ReplyDeleteDid someone snap an embarrassing picture? I'm all curious and questioning--great job!
ReplyDeleteI am with those who want to know what the light was. Really interesting! :)
ReplyDeletethat was just so well written. Poor girl!!
ReplyDeleteGreat imagery. Yes, what was that light? Good job!
ReplyDeleteOh the poor girl. Well written with great imagery.
ReplyDeleteJenn,
ReplyDeleteI "Tagged" you! :0)
http://thewritesoil.blogspot.com/2011/09/tag-im-it.html
Hey, Jenn - I've nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award. Check it out at www.notesfrominnisfree.blogspot.com!
ReplyDeleteThanks all for the encouragement. Those blogs I've gotten around to are all awesome. It's been fun reading everyone's snippets that all begin with the same four words.
ReplyDeleteYvie, Susan and Dawn, thanks for the awards/tag. You ladies are awesome and I'm glad to have you as new blog friends! :)
Hi Jenn! Wow, what a surprise in the middle - that light fiasco really caught me off guard! What's happening?!! - I'm dying to know. And it's great how you tied up the end so neatly with the beginning by showing that she was late now. I also love where you wrote about "the teacherly look"!
ReplyDeleteI'm a fellow campaigner - I'm not in your groups, but I wanted the fun of getting to know more writers. It's so great to meet you!