Spiritual Victory

The last couple of years, rather than making a list of New Years Resolutions I know I won’t be able to keep longer than a week or so, I instead seek God about a word, or theme He wants me to focus on for that year. The first year I did this the word He gave me was ‘intentional’. I learned more about what it meant to be an intentional wife, mother, woman of God, housewife, etc. But for the last three years in a row, when I seek God about my word for the year, it’s always the same.

‘Victory’.

Victory.  Noun. 1: the overcoming of an enemy or antagonist 2: achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties
 -Merriam-Webster Dictionary

The "E" Word

Americans everywhere are sharing their views on the marriage equality issue and rightly so.  It's an issue where peoples' beliefs, emotions, and lives are involved. But what I find interesting is that while many Americans are clamoring for equal rights, there's one issue that seems to not receive as much outcry.  I doubt many people even know about this, which I found posted on Fox News:

"The war on Easter has begun! The principal of Heritage Elementary School in Madison, Alabama has banned the use of the word Easter in the school saying that it infringes on the rights of students."

You can read the full article here.

Am I only one who finds this a complete violation of equal rights?  Here was my immediate response:  "Uh, if she doesn't want me using the "E" word, I'll just go back to calling it Resurrection Sunday like the early church called it before eggs and bunnies and candy somehow got involved.  See how she feels about that."  

Definitely not a very loving response, but don't we all have the right to tell people what religious holiday we happen to celebrate?

What are your thoughts?

Let's Get Personal (Part II)

In my previous post, I shared the obstacles my 20 month old son has endured in his little life.  Now, I want to talk about how it has impacted me.  If you have't read about the obstacles, you may want to do so first.


How it felt along the journey:
I think for a while, I felt lost.  I felt like a failure, like maybe if I had done something different, something earlier, my son wouldn't have had so many struggles.  Maybe he wouldn't have had so many physical delays if I had been more persistent with the pediatrician earlier.  Or if I had given him more tummy time earlier on despite the cries.
Maybe he wouldn't have speech delays if we had him fitted for his hearing aid much sooner.  The list went on.

These thoughts would often get compounded when I was with other moms whose kids were similar in age to my son and able to do things my son couldn't.  In fact, a baby at church, just three weeks younger than my son, was walking before my son was even crawling.  My nephew, four months younger than my son, was running and while my son was still crawling.  A toddler just a month older than mine who is speaking in full sentences and singing entire songs.  It was hard not to compare and to blame myself.

I also felt like I was fully responsible for him.  Like I had to devote more attention to him.  Do his PT exercises.  And if I was writing, then I wasn't spending the time with him he needed.  So, I shelved my writing for a long time.  Once the doctor visits slowed I picked up my manuscript again, but it was a half-hearted thing.  I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my writing or with this blog so I found it easier to do little with both and hope something happens.  Unfortunately, nothing happens with that mindset.

My faith experienced a lot of highs and lows.  I never was mad at God for any of this happening to my son.  But I really struggled with the comparison trap.  I had to learn to stop comparing him to other babies and just love him for who he is.  To just enjoy every milestone and stop worrying.  And that took lots of prayer.  Hubster and I prayed often for our son, for his development.  And we would praise God when he took a step in the right direction.  Lately, we've had a lot more praises then petitions.  And all along, God has proven Himself faithful.

So, what's the point?
Good question.  I've struggled with what to do with this blog.  Should it be only about my writing?  But I haven't been doing much of it.  I definitely don't want it to be completely about personal stuff, but I really felt like I should share what's really going on in my life and in my heart.  That's what makes me the person, the writer that I am.

I started blogging because I wanted to build community.  I've met so many amazing blogging buddies and learned so much.  But I believe that part of building a community is being honest and sharing each other's burdens.  So here's mine.  Feel free to lay yours on me.  :)

Thanks for sharing in the journey with me.

I Have Seen Him in the Watchfires

Civil War Series, Book Two

By Cathy Goelke

Genre: Christian historical fiction

My Rating: 4 1/2 stars

Summary: "The bonds linking family and the lines separating enemies have become very blurry for 17 year old Robert. With his father away fighting for the Union, Robert must decide to act alone in order to help his ailing mother, extricate his injured Confederate Uncle, and bring relief to his cousin, Emily.When he unwittingly gets entangled in a Confederate escape plot, Robert must forge his anger and shame into a new determination to save his family. And, perhaps, he must also realize that the saving might not be entirely up to him.Honor and duty to God and country aren't as clear-cut as he hoped them to be."


Although I definitely liked the first book, William Henry is a Fine Name, in the Civil War Series better, this one was still as poignant and still a page-turner. I learned a lot about the Civil War in a captivating way and was pleased to see that Cathy Goelke's stunning writing style had only improved in this book.

This book was wonderful to read after learning about a lot of the characters in the first book, but could definitely be a great stand-alone book as well.

My biggest disappointment with this book was the end--first of all, that it ended, and secondly, that it ended so perfectly. Granted, these characters went through A LOT to get to the end, but then everything tidied itself into a perfect little bow. Still, an enjoyable read and highly recommended.


Oh, and P.S. Both of these books are currently paperback Bargain Books on Amazon. William Henry is a Fine Name is currently available on Amazon for only $2.77 and I Have Seen Him in the Watchfires for $5.60.

Rockin'

(Muse speaks in a blue font. Siren in red. And Jenn? In boring ol' black. Don't know what we're talking about? Check out this post: Does Your Creativity Have a Name?)

My little monkey sleeps in his swing today. He rocks back and forth, off in his baby dreamworld, trying to block out the sound of his mother tapping away on the keyboard and then deleting everything. This is my opportunity to write. But nothing productive comes.

Back and forth. As the swing rocks forward, I think I know what I want to write about. The swing goes backward and I've lost all sense of direction. Ethan is staying in generally the same place. So am I. Not accomplishing anything.

I feel as if I'm in a small boat. One that's being tossed about by the waves. Just rocking back and forth, not making progress. Muse and Siren battling it out. Muse rocks me forward. Siren rocks me back.

What is it that's holding me back? I think about it as I watch my son. I listen to his gentle snoring.

It's not writer's block. I have ideas. Maybe too many of them. Maybe that's what's paralyzing me right now.

I know what it is. It's a four letter word. Fear. But fear of what?

It's not the fear of failure. I'm used to that, I've lost count of the number of rejections I've received on my first Young Adult work.

And then a cold, drenching wave crashes over me. It's fear of success. The thought startles me, as I'm chilled to the bones. Why in the world would I be afraid of success? Maybe I'm afraid of actually writing something people will enjoy. Maybe I'm afraid my writing will reveal too much of the hidden things in my heart. Maybe I'm afraid success will change everything.

One thing I do know. Perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

I must be bold enough to step out of the boat. It feels safe, but it will lead me nowhere. I mus

t take a step of faith. Walk towards Jesus on the water. Yeah, I might get wet. Soaked even. Waves might crash over my head. But I think I'd rather take that chance than just rock back and forth for the rest of my life.

So I'll go read my Bible now, as I read about God's perfect love. And I'll smile as I listen to my son's snores that are crescendoing right now while the waves are slowing.